First Impressions

Living with and getting to know a new group of people is one of the best ways to learn about yourself and how you are perceived by the rest of the world, especially the world that hasn’t known you since you were 15. Most people never realize it, but new people make me incredibly nervous. I’m fascinated by people and obviously excited when new ones enter my life, but I have this complex where I never quite know what someone would ever find interesting about me, and I worry I’ll bother them – What could I possibly bring to the table in the relationship? This unrealistic quirk, I’m finding, creates a distance that many are uncomfortable crossing.

I’m realizing, over the last year or so living in two cities and another country with post-college friends, that I don’t share enough of myself, making my first impression challenging for a lot of people. First impressions are vital, especially as we grow up and our networks of friends spread out around the world, get married, or win the privilege of 60+ hr/wk jobs. We need to learn how to reach out to others around us for fulfilling relationships.

I’m also finding, via this blog, that even with some of my closest friends, I don’t share some of the personal thoughts and feelings that they deserve. Especially when I am privvy to most of their trials and tribulations, their joys and dreams. This saddens me and I am resolved to make some changes. Those lifelong friendships are what, at least for me, make the world go ‘round. My friends keep me sane, keep me happy, and are my priority. To keep those relationships rich, we have to remember to share of ourselves just as much as we need to be there for our friends – relationships are only truly alive if they work in both directions.

Doing the work I want to do – improving lives to a point of self-sustainability and personal development previously unreachable – requires significant interpersonal care. It takes trust. It takes patience. It takes determination. It takes resilience.

If I’m going to not only have the personal life I want, but also the professional one, I have to pay closer attention to my own personal development before I can truly help others in Mayeroff’s sense of a caring relationship (Cass, Shannon, stop laughing right now!). Those relationships require hard work and patience, courage and humility – a first impression of unapproachability will hinder any work I do or relationships I hope for, and therefore this development of my own self is going to become a priority.

Don’t let yourself be complacent in developing your own image, values and relationships. Personal awareness is one of the most difficult tasks, one that is never complete, and one of the most vital if you truly want to impact the world around you – whether as corporate manager, a nonprofit director, a teacher, a doctor, or as a friend. Pay attention to what you put into the world and keep striving to be the person you want to be.